peace and solace

It is perfect.  If I wanted it more perfect, I'd have more time and not have to clean the guest room and bath for my brother-in-law and his friend coming in for a visit tomorrow.  Oh, I also wouldn't have to rinse dishes for the dishwasher, fold the clothes or pick up the dog poop in the backyard.  It is perfect tho even if I came up with a couple reasons because I'm lucky enough to have those pieces in my life.  More cuddle time with hubbie too please.

Scuba-diving.  Ironically, there's all this equipment enveloping your body, yet when I'm underwater and descending, I am free from worldly entanglements...being one with beauty in the sea. 

My metaphor for life, worldly choices, yet joy in the unknown grace of what life has to offer.  To me, that is freeing, the choices I have to engage, or disengage, ruffles of water washing over my body as I float, or swim, through my life.  I see the "equipment" as my life experiences that have prepared me for this moment.  My rehearsals culminating with some amazing, and not so amazing, performances along the way.  Some are the crux of my being and what support my soul resonating brightly within and outward, some prickly, sticky post-it notes that I detach and gravitate back to being haphazardly stuck, coming back like boomerangs, not my foundation anymore.  The ocean waters can be lusciously warm or chilly cold.  If I listen with my heart, trust my intentions and intuition, know all is within me, I swim in the warm lyrically.  Coldness is the "wait, take a breath", this energy isn't for you, about face and flutter quickly, my growing and learning to let go...and be free, to be me.

My wedding.  My brother-in-law came to town this week with his girlfriend who lives in Milan, she's Italian.  I pulled out our wedding album to show her how precious he was that day.  I was reminiscing about the first time we took he and his brother skiing and showed her the picture on the frig of that day, all bundled in ski gear...standing in front of me now is a man, deciding if "she's the one".

My wedding dress that I bought at a thrift store in college for around 50 bucks.  It became my "dance and party dress" my senior year.  My friends have spent so much on dresses and when I was trying on millions of dresses, I never felt like anyone was ME.  So I took my Madonna, 50's prom dress and dolled it up.  Replacing the taffeta on the inside, sewing pearls on the yellow roses, change out the boning around the waist's ribcage and the netting around the neckline and underside.  I still LOVE that dress on the garage shelf!...I'm just not sure I still fit in it!  :)

It's my birthday today...it's amazing how fast the time's gone.  I told my hubbie today that he's the best birthday present I could have for the rest of my life.  I've been nostalgic about my life, where I've been, where I am and where am I going.

Take a deep breath, close my eyes to a blink and feel my heart singing within.

As I lay to sleep.  I let the Universe know there are pieces I could have done better at dealing with today and give acknowledgement to myself for those I handled well.  I thank the powers circling for the gifts and opportunities I was given that day to grow spiritually.  I ask within my upcoming dreams for that evening, I will be given clues and guidance for problems, issues or unknowns I will be faced with in the following day(s).

Sometimes my contemplative time comes exactly in a moment, when I hear the GONG asking to be listened to...it doesn't always arrive on my time schedule and that's a good thing.

My favorite question to ask first, (anyone you'd normally start small talk with), what is your passion? 

This gets people to think a bit, instead of knowing how to answer the humdrum "small talk" intros they've answered rote a million times.  It also gives me a depth of the person I'm talking to...how open are they going to be from this point forward with me, how trusting are they of themselves and me to share their heart, do they even have an inkling of what their passion is, have they thought of their passion lately, or do they give me the body language that shows not, do they try to turn the tables and ask me my passions because they aren't comfortable answering or want a safety zone for how deep I'm going to get with them by my answering.  Or, do they laugh it off, giving it no value revealing it's not the essence of their being and how they represent themselves to the world. 

Usually, that question takes us to a more intimate level immediately, (or not), because people GET I really want to know, I'm not asking for fluff conversation, waste of my time.  If I'm "working the room", as sometimes I need to at an event, I'll file away who I'd like to re-engage from the way and what they answered.  They might be cool to invite for coffee in a more relaxed environment, where people might not be eavesdropping.

Fundamentally, to be loved. 

I've worked with many children throughout my life and the reoccurring empty hole is, they felt the weren't loved.  Never told, never hugged, never acknowledged, never honored, never asked their thoughts or opinion, never knowing.  Most kids who share their lives with me never felt their parents unconditionally supported who their spirit wanted to be, they were supporting theirs and their agenda of who they wanted their child to become or be.  So kids got the message, I'm not good enough for being me, I have to be someone else so that I'll be loved and accepted BY MY PARENTS.  If children aren't loved at home by  their parents and family, the world doesn't always support who they are going to be.  Family has to be the foundation or a child's course is off for some time until they realize it's their life and not their parents lives and they need to be content, happy and at peace. 

There are many other pieces I can add to the list for a well-developed child...without love, a child is on shaky ground.

Because of my work with children, I knew it was going to take great commitment for me to give of myself to these damaged souls.  I knew I wouldn't have the energy to come home after work and raise children, choosing not to have children knowing my work was for more children than just the ones I was to have.  At times, I've regretted making that decision.  Yet when I reflect and look at the many lives I've touched, the strength of fortitude it took, the love and sharing myself, I know I've done the work I'm meant to do for this lifetime, connecting to children I love.

Peaceful with ocean breezes and waves of mist.