Compassionate, curious, questioning and taking in all the information presented.  Listen to both sides and ask myself, "what serves the highest good of the human being or organization in front of me?"  Use the laws and determine what the best, most supportive outcome would be for both parties to move forward.  Also provide a learning opportunity for the future entities that may pass through this course again.

Miss Gillette, Twyla Tharp, Buddha, Michael Jackson, Gandhi, Mia Michaels, Rudolf Nureyev, Markova, Isadora Duncan, Sonya Tayeh, Maria Montessori, DaVinci, Michelangelo, Monet, my Dad and paternal grandmother/grandfather, my maternal grandfather, our family's generation that decided to come here from Finland, Thoreau...just to name a few off the top of my head.

With my hubbie...being with someone who totally "gets you", without having to fill in the blanks...they know you so well, they understand what makes you tick...no wasting time.

More than anything in the world, I'm thankful that I was fortunate to find someone who loves me so unconditionally to spend my life with, my hubbie.  I have been so blessed to love and be "in love" with a man who has so many amazing attributes all dolled-up in one compassionate, tender, humorous, caring, reflective, intellectually stimulating, spiritually-gifted and loving soul.  Cha-ching!

I'm also thankful for having the planet earth...her beauty, her peace, her graciousness, her rejuvenation powers, her majesty, her vibrant colors, her sounds of solitude and joy, her forgiveness, her unrelenting warmth and understanding that we know not what we do, did, or have done to tarnish, break and disrespect  her. 

I apologize to you, Mother Earth, for us not being more appreciative of you many, many years earlier.  We are doing our best to shift and change our lack, please continue to be patient with us.  I love you and thank you for the colors with which you've graced my eyes, the mountains you've formed for me to climb and view greatness, the trees who've shaded me and smelled so "green" after a rain, the flowers you've created that flourish our gardens and within nature, the rapids you've channeled for me to ride, the creeks I rest my feet in to let the water gurgle around and massage my ankles, the breathtaking meadows full of wind-blown lavender, daffodils or long grasses, the oceans that have such "depth", surprises and tiding movement, the unexpected breezes reminding me to breathe...all that you've shared with me, I thank you.  It's been a wondrous ride and joy to experience.

The sun rises, the moon sets...and I've married the love of my life for this one!

Hubbie and I cuddled on the couch, in the middle of the afternoon on Tivo, as we watched Michael's memorial celebration, July 7th.  Through tears and laughter we shared how his life affected us and what he's so lovingly given to the world with his talent.  I am sad that he had to leave so soon, mostly for his children not having the opportunity for their Daddy to see their life highlights.  I also trust they, like Michael because of his role-modeling, will change the world with their uniqueness and loving spirits.

I find it so ironic that his will was dated July 7th, 2002.  Out of all the days, amongst 365, to have his memorial the same date as it's signing 7 years later...talk about the numerology and that meaning, blown away by that...there are no coincidences.

I wish he had known through his trial and tribulations, we valued, held him in high regard and loved him for how he brought humanitarianism, the love of children and his influence to "heal the world".  He was a voice and force to wake us up and collectively empower, giving so selfishly of his brilliance.

I was walking my doggie yesterday morning in our local park there was a swarm of fabulously, gilded dragonflies, fluttering about over me, unlike anything I've ever seen in Vegas.  Normally, I use my run/walk as exercise, fast-pace, clicking along, humming to my internal beat, once I saw those dragonflies, I stopped in wonderment and decided to love the moment and the gift I was being given.  Frisbee and I laid down in the grass, at our favorite "home" park, to watch their flight and their erratic patterns.  It felt as each one somehow was communicating to me Michael-isms.  Since Michael passed, I've been saying a prayer to him every night thanking, appreciating and letting him know how he's influenced my life with his artistic and humanitarian ripple.  I think the fireflies were his reminder to me that life is beautiful and to relish the moments overhead, in front of me, and around me..look to the Higher Powers for understanding and one's meaning. 

Then again, last night as I was rinsing the dinner dishes and putting them in the dishwasher at the same time my husband was letting Frisbee in from the backyard (after a potty), and said to me, "honey you have to come and see this immediately".  I walked outside to see the one of the most amazing sunsets I've ever seen since we moved to Vegas 9 years ago.  We talked of the clouds being a curled wave ready for a surfer to emerge through...as I looked at the negative image of blue, I saw Michael with his hat, head tipped downward and right arm pointing up as if he was in Saturday Night Fever.  He was again a beauty figment letting me know, he's there and watching over my creative and gifted soul, encouraging me to continue the journey...committed to greatness, no matter the obstacles or doubts from within or outside.  My reminder to be true to myself no matter the misunderstandings the rest of the world presents to me...a reminder that feeling excluded, that no one understands who you are and what you stand for, doesn't matter.  That's their shit if they don't get it. 

My husband was saying the evening of Michael's memorial, as we watched CNN's Anderson on 360, that Michael thought like I do that the world is a genuine, loving place, who see the world though a children's eyes of loving and wonder...for those who live their lives with caution, chastisement and negativity will see the world that way, through those warped glasses and could have in no way seeing that having a child in his bed was coming from a deep place of lovingness.  I see the world similarly, knowing I'm not a pedophile, knowing I'm of a genuine and loving heart and want a child to feel that connection and love when I touch their lives.  I don't understand the concept of not giving that way, thinking the what-ifs people take this wrong...it takes too much energy for me to think that convoluted and cautionary perspective, as it not my heart's truism.  There are those "Michael thinking", I am one, and I hope our society and those with sick thoughts cannot tarnish how we can heal the world through our children..sharing in their pure nature of heart, sharing goodness and warmth.

Michael you were pushed and accelerated by not having the chance to live that purity and I understand you needed to hold on as tightly as possible to give to your little boy inside and fulfill what he didn't get.  I thank you Michael and realize again, you were one before our time.  Society's majority could not understand, support nor appreciate you until after your death...along with Beethoven, van Gogh, Hemingway, Lennon and many others.  I'm sorry you have passed and for the masses to understand your greatness.  Poof, like a magic act, you dissolved before our eyes.

Michael, I wish you had realized our thankfulness and appreciation for you...I wish you had seen our endearing love for what you brought to this planet.  I love you and will always be grateful that our souls chose this time to incarnate together.  I was blessed to be alive during your brief stay on the earth.  You will be missed.

Resounding NO!  I believe we can effect change within our own ponds, however big those ponds might be.  Being famous, at times, clouds those ponds.  There are many famous people who chose not to use their celebrity platform for making a positive contribution.  That is my expectation of their famousness, do something worth value to others around the world who are not as fortunate as they might be. 

If I were a celebrity and had financial means, I'd use my voice to bring awareness to causes I believe make a positive and significant difference in the world (human being related) or on the planet (environmental related), support innovative efforts and travel to truly touch souls, not just write out a check.

I'm already famous in my own mind.

Bliss...skipping through puddles when it's raining...throwing myself on a recently raked, huge pile of leaves...loving my hubbie...having a kitty sit contently on my lap sleeping and purring to our background music...having your doggie smile at you when asked "go for a walk?"...getting an awesome new vacuum from Costco that makes wanting to vacuum a joy and pleasure...dancing a piece when I truly feel my heart sharing through movement...being able to support another person's joys and dreams...connect to the unconnected...sharing a smile with someone when I know it wasn't just a smile and there was a "flash connection" at a deeper level (flashes of James Blunt, "You're Beautiful")...feeling fuzzy wuzzy inside, a warm and glowing love...learning, growing...finally "getting it", what life is about and my purpose here...being true to myself and realizing I'm unique unto the world so why would I follow anyone else's path?...seeing a fantastic sunset and sharing it with someone I love...a manic high.

I have two categories: physical and emotional.  The emotional has been present much more in my life than the physical.  I function and live my life as an emotional being.  Feelings on my sleeve, easy to read, speak my mind.  Pain is an aching inside, like a deep stab, or many, in my stomach, when I feel like I'm going to throw up.  Having my Dad pass too soon knowing we were just getting connected "as adults and fellow human beings".  Feeling pained to be diagnosed bipolar 2 and not have people understand what that means seeing their judgments or my wanting to be "more together" in certain situations, whatever that means (on a case by case basis of course).

Pain feels like my soul can't breathe.  It's in cement, on hold, floating aimlessly, stagnant, suspended in time, limbo, squelched or too many "lottery balls" firing at once.  The motor won't turn over or the person in front of me doesn't value who I am and my being-ness and contributions to the world because they're tainted and looking thorough their "fear-based, cautious and skeptical" glasses.  Seeing the pain in their eyes, they've had to developed those coping mechanisms to live their life that way traveling their experiences and life path, that pains me...because we are all one.  I want so much for them, and myself, to continually live with joy, no matter the lesson presenting itself.

I scheme it out by Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.  Physiological, Safety, Love & Belonging, Esteem, Self-Actualization. 

Physiological: Got this one wired!  Basis needs wired, check.
Safety:  Everything's usually set with these two exceptions presently, deciding to go solo, the "employment" security is risking and trusting the Universe supports my/our intentions.  By making the call to start a new venture, no health insurance.  Both hubbie and I decided together, (we have no kids to send to college and can go back to the college days of oatmeal and Top Ramen), to take the "freedom-independence" dive (since it's summer and all, the pool thing)!  He's going back to being a poker pro full-time after a 3 year hiatus, playing 15 years total, he started when he was 30.  He is the man and is absolutely amazing at what he does.  I don't get it all since it's so math and probabilities oriented...I do know he's just got an inner wisdom and guides supporting his journey.  Scale of 10: 7.5, check.
Love & Belonging:  Another resounding WIRED category!  Fortunate enough to find the love of my life, be in love after 18 years of marriage, would never trade him in on a new and improved model.  I have a small collective of spiritually-centered, supportive, fun, compassionate and loving friends.  Family is a challenge at times because of the innate dysfunction, so I keep a distance and just get together on those "special occasions"  and, they always seem to turn out special.  Scale: 10+
Esteem:  If you ask my friends, too much at times, but it also doesn't let anyone shove me around either.  After years of this life "trying to be" something for someone else, teachers, boyfriends, employers, dysfunctional and vampire sucker acquaintances or friends and family, I'm happily, delighted with who I am, my faith in self and strength in my knowing-ness of just being.  A psychologist would probably diagnose as grandiose thoughts.  Well, YES, I am grand and think grand!  Why should I think small?  The Universe has a lot riding on me and if I don't believe it can materialize and put my full-force energy into, who will?  Scale: 10+
Self-Actualization:  Most of the time, I'd put this in the WIRED category also, creativity goes hand in hand with spontaneity  for me, if I'm not living in the moment, listening to what's being offered up, then I'm not being spontaneous.  I am too moral at times which flips me into judgment of others and a lack of prejudicial thinking.  Constantly, a work-in-progress with my judgmental nature, lack of tolerance for stupidity and patience.  Accepting facts and problem solving seem to be unique concepts that I'm considering.  What most accept as facts, I ponder and question.  I don't accept everything I hear or am told.  I am trusting up front and with my inquisitive nature, I'll question and some people get defensive when questioned or asked to "explain more so I know where you're coming from".  Scale: 8.5, still challenging...

There may be the obscure thought that I WANT some great fitting pants that can only be gotten at Nordstrom's!  Then I turn the car around and drive into the nearest Target or Nordy's Rack.  Don't find anything that fits my butt, come home to look in my drawer or closet and say, "I have enough".  My three pairs of Levi 505, $25 bucks at Sears are the bomb, worn in great and still going strong!  Reaffirming, this is why I'm not in debt, I haven't found any good jeans for years that fit my butt like a glove.  :)

Re-challenge myself knowing the Universe supports and wants me to live in my brilliance and highest good...being with a loving, soul-mate hubbie to walk the journey together, I can get through anything...a lesson to be learned for what it is...trust this moment is happening for a reason.  Keeping myself in check, making sure I'm staying in awareness, putting "materialist illusion" and it's value in a proactive framework.  It's all an illusion anyway.

Give me kisses, licks and purrs.  I get a lot of those from my family, hubbie, Frisbee, Tigger and Buddy Boy....let's me know I'm very loved.

High, balanced, confident, individualistic, assertive, integrity-driven, positive and optimistic outlook on life, conscious and reflective about my behaviors and reactions, or lack of reacting, unconditional self-acceptance of my strengths and foibles...have had an internal rhythm to dance to the beat of my own drum, no matter the music I hear (thank goodness Thoreau's "Walden" came into my life at an early age and those thinking's resonated in my heart).