Understand someone going through pain. 

I have a friend who is going through a difficult time in her marriage and a few weeks ago she shared glimmers of her situation.  I was looking through murky waters as she explained and shared as I don't have anything to connect to with her experiences.  My husband is so very different, so I was grasping for a way to support and connect with her.  I stayed quiet and just sent her my love and compassion, I could find no words (which is quite unlike me, never at a loss).  We were with another friend at the time and she volunteered some of her husband's "challenges" and her experiences with him.  I called her up after our time together and told her how fortunate I felt having her there because I felt like I'd hit a wall, unable to understand, obviously at a loss for words to engage.

We just met again after yoga this Saturday and Christmas was much worse for her.  I looked above, said a little prayer and asked for help in supporting her.  This time it came and I was much more connected to what she was saying and how I could add some value to what she's experiencing, I hope.  Understanding her pain was something I learned that I hadn't been able to connect to a few weeks ago.  I listened and loved, instead of having expectations for myself to do and be something for her.

Being in a fulfilling, joyful, loving, peaceful and humorously-gifted marriage.  It's been 17 years of being in love, sharing joy and laughter, struggles and blessings, wittiness and lazy days, pursuits and stand stills, allowing growth and being a tad afraid of growth, intense conversations and no conversations, giving a look that says it all, (you know what I mean).  I am blessed to have married the best one for me for this lifetime!  It's taken communication galore, listening and understanding throughout the years to achieve the place we are now.  I look forward to many more years of glory...on the e-ticket ride.

When I lay my head on my pillow before sleeping for the night.  I think about the events of the day, how'd they go, what did I learn, what could I have done better, how could I have been more present, what do I need to set up for tomorrow so I don't operate in the same way, how do I feel about the day, would I have changed anything.  I also say a little prayer for those I may not have connected well with that day, sending them my love and light.  I may not have been my best self in that moment and know I need to send positive, loving energy out into the world to right my misstep.  Then I ask my angels and the Light to help give me dreams to work out or help me "see" something that I may not be seeing in the conscious world.

I would have loved to be born Buddhist or Jewish.  Both have such a wealth of caring for generation after generation to pass along the teachings, an honoring of "all as one" thinking instead of divisiveness, an openess, meditation and Shabbat as "designated" times within life to focus on one's spirituality, ongoing traditions passed from generation to generation and continual mindful reflection.  Both give willingly and without regard for receiving.  Both come from peace and without memorization and forced doctorine.  They talk to my soul, resonate and feel more connected than Presbyterianism, the religion in which I was raised.  As a practicing yogi and Kabbalist, I've found what works for me, for this lifetime.  

I've probably had other lives that these two were studied and practiced in some way, that's probably why they both feel like I'm coming home and why they work for me now...how to explain and live my life.

Savasana, deep breaths and quieting myself, getting centered.  Sometimes on a hike, or at the top of a mountain, (once I get there), I see the beauty of our earth and that brings me peace.  When my hubbie and I are cuddling.  When I'm at the beach, watching and seeing the waves rolling in and out, listening to their rhythmic movement.

When I:
go to yoga, ride my bike down a hill at Red Rock and feel the breeze throught my hair and across my face, stand in the rain or snow and try to catch drops or snowflakes in my mouth, park at the end of a grocery parking lot and come out with my grocery cart and peddle to get some momentum going and jump on till I reach my car, ski down a slope, run till I can't feel that I running anymore, meditate, start up a conversation with someone I don't know, drive 80 on the 15 in the middle of the night to LA with the windows down and the music crankin, let my body bobble in the ocean while laying on my back, dance for freedom and let my heart move my body the way it sees to without memorized or choreographed steps or sequences, am in nature, smelling, hearing, touching and relishing it's beauty.

This too shall pass.  Breath deeply and close my eyes.  Center myself, then draw from that knowing, I have it all within me to get through this moment in time.  It will not last a lifetime.

Most of the time, I make a decision to not live with fear in my life or I'd paralyze myself with what I can't do or shouldn't try.

It depends on the situation.  As a sheriff's deputy, my fear would run intermittently depending on the type of call we were responding to, child lost at the store, piece of cake, bank robbery in progress or domestic, adrenaline goes up.  If I'm doing rapids, it depends on the class and getting my act together to prepare myself for tackling them.  It it's scaling a rock with very small crevices or hand holds, it's choreographing my way up and knowing I have the skills within to make it (plus, I'm on belay as a last resort). 

For others, I see what their level of "fear" is and if it's reasonable or not for the situation at hand.  If it's something where they're depending on me to get us through, and that's appropriate, then I reassure them, we will, (more sheriff related).  If it's a friend going through a difficult or fearful time in their life, I listen, I reassure them that they have the inner knowing to tackle this situation and that I have infinite faith in their ability to do so.