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argument
November 2009 
When was the last time you had an argument with someone?
Healing Artist Entrepreneur
Last weekend over the phone.
What was it? One of my older friends, 75 years to be exact, has decided that that she needs an arcenal of people to tell her "she's going through the darkness of her soul". I realized during our conversation that she looks to others to validate how she's feeling because she's gotten out of touch with herself. So I was confronting her during our conversation about her thinking and limited belief systems, and came to the conclusion that we are on different paths. She sees things as others have told her to see, instead of reflecting within. I also noted, she wasn't ready to listen, hear, or understand where I was coming from in my questioning. Her responses were defensive and wanting validation. Some are ready when they are ready. I released my path and congratulated her on her courage to take this journey on.
How did I feel afterwards? Sad, that she's so out of touch with who she is and what she wants out of life. Disappointed, that I am letting go of a friendship, because she is just too needy. I feel great knowing she has 5-7 people who tell her how to feel, what pills to take or wean from, how to move, and how to live a life. She's not available right now for us to be friends. She needs to live for her and can't be in a friendship that's a 2-way street, she has nothing to give or contribute to the friendship. My husband has asked me before, when are you going to let her go?, because he's confronted me about giving to her and having nothing coming back. I guess over this conversation, the time has come. I release her with love and hope she finds who she is, and lives the rest of her life in bliss.
It's kinda weird...once you start the journey of getting more spiritually connected and doing emotional growth work, it must be like being a drug addict and in recovery, knowing you have to let go of the old friends to bring in friends that are at a plane of thought for understanding and growth. So a window opens for a new friend to enter...
Access: Public
But she just may be the medicine you need. Look how reflective she's made you be. Who says friendship has to be a two way street anyway. I like going down a one way street sometimes just for the thrill of it.
I appreciate your point of view, as I am going through a similar situation with my best friend. It is funny to me how similar all of our trials are. I wish that we all had the courage to share them more openly, perhaps we could learn from one another. I trust that the best way that I can be a friend to him right now is to let him go. I have never and will never close the door on him, but, as you said, he needs to take the journey and I am on my own.
I wish you peace.
Thank you Maze and Erin for your comments. I knew when I posted more of my open heart, I'd get some interesting responses.
Maze, I understand what you are saying about 1-way street friendships. From my perspective, it seems since my path has been one of giving, I have a need right now to be in less friendships that NEED me (as a “therapist”, confidant, fixer) and more friendships that dance with me. Unfortunately when I attracted this friendship in my life, I was in a state of sharing and supporting others, fixing peoples lives and that's not healthy for me or for her. She needs to get her own bearings and wings, discover who she is, instead of doing, just being. I say a prayer for her every day and spiritually, send her loving energy. The point in my life that I'm at right now, I don't have the patience or energy to tackle her issues and concerns, because it becomes all about her. Maybe once she more healed, I'll be able to see if our friendship can be reconnected.
Erin, I feel right now, that is her path. I was to be in her life for a season. I'm doing better with not feeling like everyone I connect to along my path has to be a friend for a lifetime. Some are only here for moments of time. We all grow at different speeds and I don't believe we are required to take others along that are not supporting us to be our fullest and brightest, spiritual selves.
Thank you both for your sharings…
The interesting thing about friendships is that you often only find it really is a friendship when circumstances bring situations that require behavior that is something other than being “nice.”
And then everyone is growing and it is organic and fluid and not defined by any set order of events, so it becomes a very dynamic experience to watch yourself and your friends grow and change. What a garden!